> long thoughts go here. read em if u care :p
ddlc kinda broke my brain (in a good way)
no date · #origin #weird
ddlc was my first ever visual novel. found it randomly on steam, knew literally NOTHING about it, just wanted to try the genre. so i played it slow, read every line, expecting a cute lil story where maybe i get together w one of them. n then. yea. you know what happens. but heres the part that actually got me: as a kid i had this specific phobia of pc glitches. like id get dreams where i download something n it takes over the pc like a virus, blasting some weard sound at full volume, n no matter what you do you cant turn it off. turning the pc off doesnt even help. your only options are break it or let it play. n i think the real fear there is having zero controll over the situation. ddlc does that exact thing, it reaches out n messes w your actual game, so it didnt scare me from nowhere, it found the fear that was already in me. so it made a deep connection w me, deeper than a lil visual novel had any right to.
n i was genuinely scared. but i think i enjoyed it at the same time?? and thats what i think is the root of me liking the unsettling stuff, being scared, feeling creeped out, and just being attracted to weard stuff. and my type in woman 100% roots from this craving. the dystopian brutalism n liminal stuff came way later but thats prob just the same thing evolving idk. its honest so its going here :p
peripeteia is basically my whole personality
no date · #games #goat
my all time fav game n its not close. i played it at a time where NO game hit anymore, like i could max do an hour before i got bored n went back to just scrolling. everything holds your hand n points a big beacon at where u gotta go. peripeteia doesnt do that. it just DROPS you into this endless grimy soviet city w no real objective n lets you explore n fight n discover the world on your own. n suddenly i was back to playing 8h a day combing every corner of the map n STILL not finding everything.
heres the thing that actually got me. places youd normally skip, the dead corners that in any other game have NOTHING behind them, here they have whole areas. own enemies, own loot, own lil world. the game knows youll miss like 70% of it cause theres so many routes n some are hidden so well you need a sharp nose to even find em. ive always had this instinct to test the bounds of a map, walk into the spot im not meant to go. never got rewarded for it before, i just did it "just in case". here? every single time i did it there was actually something there. it respects that itch.
n the look. that soviet cyberpunk dystopian future, the green haze, fog rolling between towers that go up forever. just standing in it is the best atmosphere a game has ever given me, n the level design is straight gold. then the lowpoly jank?? thats not a flaw thats the soul. you literally fight the gun youre holding, the aim is rough so you cant just tap a head n move on, you gotta catch the right moment to shoot. polished games you aim n shoot exactly what you see n its boring, here the jank gives combat actual weight n personality. i was excited to boot it up like a kid rushing home from school. thats the feeling i thought i lost. PLAY IT. its also basically the blueprint for the game im making lol.
why my whole game runs on a flip phone
no date · #untitled_angel #devlog
so UNTITLED_ANGEL (placeholder name, dont judge) started from two things i love: persona n peripeteia. i wanted that peripeteia freedom but built around relationships the way persona does it. youre just some dude n it becomes about who YOU turn into. but the heart of it is the flip phone.
the flip phone idea came from a game called mamas sleeping angel, where you actually use one as a tool, not for texting. but it flipped a thought in me, like why do games keep dragging you back to some hub to talk to people when irl we text way more than we actually meet up. so make THAT the whole thing. you build basically every relationship through texting, multiple choice, think needy streamer overload meets persona. (n a flip phone over some flat slab cause its just cooler ok :P)
n it HAS to matter. what you say, how fast you reply, whether you leave someone on read. that part came from ddlc honestly. in ddlc the characters can actually BREAK, like you go in thinking theres no way a game would let a character go that far, off themselves or whatever, but it just doesnt care about staying kid friendly. n thats where it clicked for me, your actions actually decide how a person ends up. its the same reason i cant stand most AAA games, everything is built so you basically cant fail, always nudged back onto the right track, no stakes. i want you to actually care what you say n do, no hand holding. but you still meet up n make plans irl, n thats where you really learn their fears n obsessions n traumas, n maybe fall for them. its my dream project, slowly cooking.
the notebook novel (no spoilers i promise)
no date · #writing #psychological
im writing a psychological novel. premise: a boys notebook gets stolen, the one where he wrote what he ACTUALLY thinks about everyone he knows, n suddenly its all out there. n once its all out there, that notebook quietly starts reshaping everything, how people notice him, how they treat him, the good n the really not good. its less about the theft itself n more about what it does to him n everyone around him.
funny thing is this whole part started as a throwaway. the kid was supposed to die here n get reincarnated into a totally different setting where none of this old life mattered, the death was just there to build him n set up the plot. but i sent it to someone to check if the writing was any good, n something about this throwaway part stuck w them way more than the story it was meant to set up. so here we are. the thread i keep pulling on: you can think youve got life figured out while it quietly gets the better of you. n how falling in w the wrong people can cost you the ones who actually mattered. thats all youre getting, no spoilers :p
moths are perfect actually
no date · #unprompted #moth
nobody asked but i LOVE moths. like genuinely obsessed. theyre just such cool n mysterious lil creatures n once you actually look into them it gets unreal. like... they navigate by the MOON. they exist to follow the moon. what do you mean that sounds so mystical holy shit. theyre basically night butterflies. NIGHT butterflies. who decided that n why is it so cool.
n then the survival stuff is straight up badass. the dust on their wings? thats so if a spider web catches em the scales come off n they slip right out. n when somethings tryna eat them a moth can make itself LOOK like a praying mantis, a wasp, or a tarantula to scare it off. like WHAT?? a lil guy cosplaying a tarantula to survive. insane.
n theyre not even menacing about it, theyre actually nice?? theyre great for plants n flowers, they pick up pollen off basically every plant they land on n just spread it around being helpful. so theyre mysterious AND badass AND useful AND cute, fuzzy little big-eyed night guys. like genuinely the full package.
theres no deep origin story btw, i just randomly noticed one day how cool they are n never looked back lol. fav one is the luna moth, that big pale green one w the long tails, perfect creature no notes. anyway if we ever talk n you wanna instantly be my friend just send me a cool moth, thats the cheat code :p
my music taste makes no sense n thats fine
no date · #music
people always want a clean reason for why you like music n i dont have one. theres no single throughline, its all super different, i just enjoy it so i listen to it. thats the whole take lol. but if u want a starting point: comfort song is засыпай by inkstreet101, n im deep in the russian post-punk + breakcore + shoegaze pile.
fav tracks if u want a starting point: засыпай (inkstreet101, my comfort song), стенки моего подьезда (cupsize), Laputa (Panchiko), Tarantula Girl (Violent Vira), Draining Love Story (Sewerslvt). the WHOLE glorious mess of a list lives over in my interests box if u wanna dig :p
